Summertime Sadness
Do you ever feel like no one is there for you when you need someone?^Very depressing start to this blog entry
Anyway, that is currently how I am feeling on this beautiful Sunday afternoon.
To be fair, this day didn't exactly start out great. There was a huge thunderstorm last night that kept me up, and then I dreamt about my boyfriend turning me into a puppet.
But the thing that is making me feel...such a way is just the fact that I have so much stuff to do, and no motivation to do it. I'm sure most people have felt this way some time or another. Or maybe I'm just a really lazy person.
And the worst thing is, I like to consider myself a very hardworking person. I always finish what I start and although I am one to procrastinate (Who isn't?), I always get the task done.
However, I don't feel like I'll ever get these things done.
These "things" referring to oh so many things that typing them out would just give me an even bigger sense of self loathing.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT. I came here to write a post to just get it out there, but now that I think about it, I need to get some things off my chest and figure out what to do.
1. College essays & Applications
Oh god oh god oh god oh god. Starting off with the biggest task of all.I used to think that I had everything planned out for college, in regards to where I would be applying, what would be my first choice, what would be my backup school, and what majors I would plan on pursuing.
And now, one week before my last year of high school starts, I have no clue.
Okay thats a bit of an exaggeration. I have SOME idea.
I also have 11 schools on my list, which is just....a big headache. I do not need to be applying to so many schools. To be fair, its technically 9 or 8, because some of them use the same application and essays.
But I also am so...unconfident in myself. Out of these 11 schools, I only have 2 or 3 that I know I will be accepted into for sure. Most are "eh" and 3 or 4 are "I'm applying so I can cry over my rejection letter".
I honestly wouldn't even be so worried about the colleges themselves, if I didn't have to worry over the essays.
SCREW COLLEGE ESSAYS. SERIOUSLY. I understand they allow the admission offices to see who "we really are" but the amount of words and phrases I have to make sound good is just...GAH.
I don't even know how many essays I have to write. Far too many, thats for damn sure.
Side note: I am extremely jealous of my friends who know exactly where they are going, and only need to apply to 1 or 2 schools. Or schools that all require the same application. Just the fact that they know exactly where they are planning to go, that they will 100% be accepted in, and the fact that most of them have friends who are also planning to go to the same school...
Maybe I should just give up and do the same.
2. Piano
Now that I am a senior, I am the oldest and I guess "most advanced" student at my piano teacher's studio. Which is actually a pretty big achievement, except for the fact that she is requiring me to practice 3 HOURS A DAY for my senior recital. I understand that I am currently on summer break but...
3. Violin & All Region
Oh my god. I am even far worse off on violin stuff.
I was supposed to be prepping for the past 3 months on all region etudes, but honestly....I have no motivation at all. I know that I will NEVER be as good as some of the people at school, so whats the point of even trying? God I can't believe I just said that. But honestly, with colleges and ap classes coming up...how am I supposed to do all this?
Also, a note for my friends who ARE extremely talented and hardworking at their instrument: Congratulations!!!!11111 But there is no need to rub it in my face how far behind I am. I would appreciate if you could stop discussing everything region and state related around me when it is quite obvious that I have no clue what is going on. Thanks.
4. Summer Reading
Not exactly too big of an issue, because I know I will have this done by the time school starts. Still, its taking up 2 hours of my time each day. 2 hours that I could be using to laze around and feel depressed.
5. Senioritis
sigh.
Now that I'm going over this post again, I feel so freaking ashamed of myself for writing such a mopey and boring blog post. Idk guys, these days I just haven't been feeling like myself. Not only that, but I bought 5 mini tubs of Americone Dream ice cream and I've already finished 3 of them. MY THIGHS JIGGLE EVEN WHEN I DONT MOVE THEM.
I'm out guys. See you in a happier time.
^ I was going to say place, but that seemed a bit too dark. DW GUYS, I can get through this!!! I think.
