18.
HELLOOOO from the other side (the 18 year old side)
lame
sorry for the late post but here it is!
My birthday was last week, on May 8th and I AM OFFICIALLY 18 YEARS OLD WOOHOO I AM FINALLY LEGAL I CAN DO THE THINGS I ALREADY DO BUT LEGALLY NOW
I'm currently listening to Blackbear but I need some new music god help me I am so tired of my playlist
okay so prepare for a spam of birthday pics!!
This birthday was honestly amazing. It was my first birthday away from home, away from my parents, in a (kinda unfamiliar) place, and I was really not expecting much at all--a couple birthday wishes, maybe a card or something. idk.
My birthday was on a Sunday, and the Friday before, Kaylee & Daniel & I wanted to dress up and go to this japanese street food place for lunch after class.
We stopped by the new bridge to take pics and be vain af:
we cute :3
"i don't know what i'm doing with my arm"
made the pics XL for you to enjoy
jkjk that sounds really vain oh god they're not even that great quality since they're shot from my iPhone
pc: daniel
OOTD:
Black dress: Brandy Melville
Plaid shirt: UT Women's Exchange lol
Shoes: F21
oh god food that day was quite the hassle...we tried going to the jap food place but they weren't open until 3, so we walked all the way to food trucks and those were closed, and then we walked to good juju cafe and that was just SHUT DOWN, so finally we just went to
.....
omg i forgot
I FORGOT THE NAME OK but they had some pretty good burgers/sandwiches
(as you can see me excited to devour my food)
OKay
and then later on that evening, Zack asked if I was free for my "surprise"
I was like wat
so he picked me up and he said he had to go to barton creek to return some stuff on the way to my "surprise" so i was like ok cool whatever
but it turned out my "surprise" WAS at barton creek....
HE GOT ME A TIANASAURUS REX
FROM BUILD A BEAR
AND HE TOOK ME THERE SO I COULD GO THROUGH THE PROCESS IN PERSON
I WAS SO HAPPY
I AM STILL SO HAPPY
o m g
ok i know its going to sound like I'm just saying this bc it happened but I honestly always wanted to go to build-a-bear as an older person with my SO and get a build a bear together
and although I am not dating zack (lol) having a friend do something so....nice for me honestly made me want to cry
and then we went to the food court and shared a teriyaki dinner LOL my fav
thank you zack. this is hands down, one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me on my birthday, and something I won't ever forget.
I know it may seem silly or stupid, since yeah its just a stuffed dinosaur whatever but not to me.
sagar's friend's bday party lol
bc when ur happy and in the bathroom together why not selfie
hurhur
hi gen
hi alex
also my eyelash is coming off
LOL
me: "alex, can i borrow some glue?"
alex: "why do you need glue..."
me: "..."
goodnight world (also #hookem)
okay and then I don't remember what happened on Saturday most of the day tbh
ohh Jennifer and I went out to Halal bros for dinner and she gave me this assortment of chocolate for my birthday. tbh I should've taken a picture bc I already ate all of it...but there was this awesome margarita chocolate LMAO cos she knows me
so 11 pm comes around and Genny keeps texting me and asking to come up
she got me tiramisu cheesecake from cheesecake factory :')
THANK YOU GENNY for satisfying my fatass dessert craving and being such a good friend :')) idk why i keep writing these thank yous when no one reads my blog lol
midnight rolls around
im 18!
and i'm just laying in bed and watching anime and talking to lila. ya know. typical saturday night.
jk but really i was planning to just finish Erased (which I still have not done!!!) and chill in for the rest of the night...when...
okay idk if you can watch the video or not but right before 1 am, my branch + friends BARGE into my room (ofc its unlocked) and start singing happy bday while holding a strawberry milkshake for me.
(I was complaining earlier that week to Sabeeha that I was really craving a strawberry milkshake)
my thoughts while this happened:
OMG
omg is that...?
fak my bras are hanging on the side of my bed and they can all see
why are they all guys
is that a strawberry milkshake???
I AM NOT WEARING ANY PANTS
omg
thank god i didn't take off my makeup
omg
i am so happy
omfg
got out of my bed, put on shorts, and talked to them a bit outside in the hallway.
literally my best surprise ever :'))
so that day, (Sunday), my branch took me & jeffrey out to brunch (since it was his birthday the week before):
Waltons!!! tried taking photogenic food pic but i suck at it.
beauty.
thank you.
:')
after that, amanda took me to get my nails done:
:D
kaylee's mirror makes me look 6 feet tall lmao
keeping it real
EOS/banquet selfie :)
hehe
mom
grandmom
grandpa
lmao this pic still makes me crack up
zack :')
how far we've come
more gramps
omg I'm sorry I'm too lazy to rotate ok
NICK. so so so thankful for everything this semester.
its funny how someone you could've never met just somehow comes into your life in the most random way possible, and ends up impacting it in a way you could've never imagined. cheesy, but really, how does this happen?
more mom
jeff
sorry my captions r so basic I'm just tryna fit everything in ok
big booty johnnnn
ok sometimes i feel like I'm being creepy? like these are my friends (mostly) and I'm posting pics of us and stuff online and they don't know about it...like is this something I should be concerned about? is this something that I shouldn't be doing??? idk but at the same time I'm just like...this is my life you know and i have people in my life
if i didn't include pics of people i would literally just have 5 pics in every blog post forreal
i think the only reason I'm ok with it is cos I don't have a following or anything on my blog lmao its literally only me reading these posts
if they asked me to take it down i would 100% take their pics down ok
#disclaimer
3/4 froomies take EOS
roll call...
bitchez.
jelly!
how many laughs I've shared with you this past year :')
ok and then the business meeting after...
tbh this is the only pic i can find and i don't even remember taking this
...yeah it was a pretty bad night
......ok moving on
LILA freaking got me my first polo hat :')))) omfg I'm actually very thankful that I had her as a roommate this year...holy shit she's helped me through so much (esp at the beginning of the year) and this transition would not have been as easy without her. forever thankful
ok fast forward to this past wednesday when I got home:
Oh god just aside from the gift for a sec....I missed my parents. a lot.
being in college is very nice and I'm not gonna lie i miss it a shit ton rn but theres no feeling like going downstairs to a home cooked meal and chilling in your own privacy without having someone ten feet away from you.
I've been wanting a fossil watch for so long and I finally got one :') #blessed #thankful #okthisisannoying #illstopnow
Okay and since I didn't write one last year (smh @ my 17 year old self), here is my letter to self:
Dear 19 year old Tiana,
Well right now as I'm writing this I'm depressed af because I just read through Amanda's last email again and idk for what reason inspired me to go back and look at messages she and Sabeeha sent me after I didn't get the VP position. yeah idk I'm dumb
Okay well first of all, what kind of age is 19? literally there is nothing significant about turning 19, you might as well just go about your day like any other day OKAY I AM SORRY I'm still sad af and I shouldn't be writing this right now while I'm feeling like this
I don't know. All I can think about is at this time next year, I would've applied for another VP position again (hopefully), and whether I got it or not. It's not the MOST important thing in the word, I know it's not! yet its still so significant to me.
I know I made a video in preparation of not getting VP, and I was about to do the same in words here if I don't get it again next year. but fak that lmao Tiana if you don't get it a 2nd time in a row that's just meant to be.
I can just imagine next year if I don't get it and reading that ^ and sobbing my heart out like "fuck you 18 year old tiana why you gotta be such a bitch"
but seriously, it's not the end of the world. OK IT feels like shit. I KNOW IT FEELS LIKE SHIT IT STILL FEELS LIKE SHIT! I'm reminded of it so easily. I'm reminded of it every time I see anything to do with exec, even if its our own exec pictures. I'm reminded of it every time I look at my snapchat story, I'm reminded of it every time I think about this past year, I'm reminded of it every time I think about next year!!
It fucking sucks. It sucks because I don't want to talk about it with my friends because its a feeling that I can't really express. It sucks because everyone thinks I'm okay with it, I'm over it, and I'm not. But I can't say that. Because I'm supposed to be ok.
It sucks because it feels like betrayal. I think the beginning of this year (freshmen year) was the worst feeling of betrayal I've ever felt in my life. I don't think there are any words to describe the feeling when someone you literally trust with your life breaks your heart.
This failure to me was like...100 mini break ups. It felt like 100 failures--I did my best, and I still was not accepted.
idk.
ok this is a very shitty birthday letter LOL I'm sorry.
I guess my point is this (and I'm totally winging this bc I just thought of it)--the breakup was imo the worst feeling of betrayal I had ever felt at the time. It was absolutely terrible. The feeling was indescribably lonely and terrible. And now? yeah occasionally I'm still wistful about certain aspects of the relationship, but I think its one of the best things that could've happened for me.
In a similar sense, what you're feeling now, the feeling of 100 mini failures--it sucks. and It'll probably keep sucking for a while, and then suck occasionally next year when you are reminded of it again. but its okay! because in a couple months (a year?) you'll think--that is the best thing that could've happened for me at the time. I just didn't realize it then.
:)
okay moving on lmao this is the weirdest birthday letter i've ever written
ok actually its 3 am so ima continue this another day LOL
okay now it's june 15 and I'm sitting at my desk at my internship in Shanghai. oops.
Let me just finish writing this first.
Honestly Tiana, you still have so much to grow and so much to work on. You make so many dumb mistakes and you make them over and over again (smh @ u), and i hope you make so many more this upcoming year. EMBRACE THE MISTAKES OK (but also pls eventually learn from them)
I feel like you (I???) 've already learned so much in this past year so don't stop here. Keep doing stupid stuff, learn from it, stop doing it, and do other stuff that's not as stupid k.
There's so many questions I want to ask my future self
Do you like accounting?? Oh god I hope I do because otherwise I have no idea what I'll be doing in my future. If so, DID YOU APPLY/GET INTO MPA but i guess I wouldn't know by this time of the year yet....so nvm. What are you doing this summer? Please tell me you got an internship ok but you know what its ok if you didn't too as long as you are doing something productive and not just sitting on your ass at home.
ummm
I wonder what it was like rooming with kaylee/anna/tonya this year. oh god I hope it didn't tear us apart:///
Also what happened with...?? i think deep inside you know how you feel and you know what to do. except rn i actually don't lol
pls stop paying attention to boys and pay more attention to those already around u who care for u
also please take care of yourself.
Love,
Tiana
this is really lame i apologize to anyone who read this.
update coming soon!! (or maybe not we shall see)
