Not an update

Sorry for the lack of updates, but I doubt anyone actually reads this so I suppose it doesn't really matter.
I've just mainly been working on college essays and homework. Sounds like a ton of fun, huh?

I was just thinking about how awkward and embarrassing it would be if someone I actually know in real life reads my blog. Not that theres anything I can really...do. I mean, its online, so anyone can read it. If I really didn't want anyone to find it, I wouldn't have started posting pictures or using my name in association with my posts.

I just really hope that if anyone does read my blog that they would tell me. Or at least not lie about it if I have suspicions about them reading it...

Wow I really hope no one I know reads my blog.

Song currently listening to: Anna Sun by Walk the Moon

Anyways, we had a four day weekend!! Which would've been super fantastic if it wasn't for the fact that I forced myself to sit my ass down and do my college apps.

And I am still nowhere close to being done...

And I am only making myself finish 4 this weekend!! And I am still not done with 1!!!

To be fair, I get bored writing the same essay for hours at a time so I like working on multiple essays at the same time. So I've started everything, but I haven't finished anything yet. Which is very unlike me.

I WILL finish one of my essays tonight though. For sure. I think.

Soooooo recap on my weekend:

Friday:

~Strapped myself down and only got most of 1 essay done.
~Went to the mall with Ubin and visited Natalie at work.
Friday was actuallyyyy pretty fun. I broke my 5 mile driving range virginity so I can actually drive places now. We got free ice cream and talked to Natalie for about an hour and then we shopped around. I got this really pretty plum scarf and a striped maxi dress and oh my god I sound so boring who cares

Saturday:
~hw and college apps

Sunday (today):
~college apps

AND I STILL HAVENT REALLY GOTTEN MUCH DONE WHY AM I WRITING THIS POST WHEN IM SUPPOSED TO BE WRITING MY ESSAY

Hopefully tomorrow will be fun though! I'll give another update soon. Hopefully.

And it will be much more interesting than this one, I promise.

THANKS FOR READING WHOEVER YOU ARE

Summertime Sadness

Do you ever feel like no one is there for you when you need someone?

^Very depressing start to this blog entry

Anyway, that is currently how I am feeling on this beautiful Sunday afternoon.

To be fair, this day didn't exactly start out great. There was a huge thunderstorm last night that kept me up, and then I dreamt about my boyfriend turning me into a puppet.

But the thing that is making me feel...such a way is just the fact that I have so much stuff to do, and no motivation to do it. I'm sure most people have felt this way some time or another. Or maybe I'm just a really lazy person.

And the worst thing is, I like to consider myself a very hardworking person. I always finish what I start and although I am one to procrastinate (Who isn't?), I always get the task done.

However, I don't feel like I'll ever get these things done.

These "things" referring to oh so many things that typing them out would just give me an even bigger sense of self loathing.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT. I came here to write a post to just get it out there, but now that I think about it, I need to get some things off my chest and figure out what to do.

1. College essays & Applications

Oh god oh god oh god oh god. Starting off with the biggest task of all.
I used to think that I had everything planned out for college, in regards to where I would be applying, what would be my first choice, what would be my backup school, and what majors I would plan on pursuing.
And now, one week before my last year of high school starts, I have no clue.
Okay thats a bit of an exaggeration. I have SOME idea.
I also have 11 schools on my list, which is just....a big headache. I do not need to be applying to so many schools. To be fair, its technically 9 or 8, because some of them use the same application and essays.
But I also am so...unconfident in myself. Out of these 11 schools, I only have 2 or 3 that I know I will be accepted into for sure. Most are "eh" and 3 or 4 are "I'm applying so I can cry over my rejection letter".

I honestly wouldn't even be so worried about the colleges themselves, if I didn't have to worry over the essays.
SCREW COLLEGE ESSAYS. SERIOUSLY. I understand they allow the admission offices to see who "we really are" but the amount of words and phrases I have to make sound good is just...GAH.

I don't even know how many essays I have to write. Far too many, thats for damn sure.

Side note: I am extremely jealous of my friends who know exactly where they are going, and only need to apply to 1 or 2 schools. Or schools that all require the same application. Just the fact that they know exactly where they are planning to go, that they will 100% be accepted in, and the fact that most of them have friends who are also planning to go to the same school...

Maybe I should just give up and do the same.

2. Piano

3. Violin & All Region

4. Summer Reading

5. Senioritis 

Orch Banquet 2014

Ughhh I was supposed to blog about this a while ago but I never got around to uploading the pictures from my phone until now sorry sorry

I know I actually blogged about my first ever orchestra banquet back in 2012 on this blog too! Man, time flies.

Anyways so the date of banquet was May 30, 2014 WHICH IS SO LONG AGO IKIK

I was really excited this year because it was the first year I actually got to bring my boyfriend! Not that I ever had a chance to bring a date to banquet before, BECAUSE I NEVER HAD ONE.

So I was excited but also very nervous since...idk. I didn't want to seem lame, y'know?

It started off really crappy because we didn't have enough room at one table for all our friends so we had to split up. Ugh god that really made me mad because some people....not going to get into it.

So we ended up sitting at a table with Natalie and Ryan and some other sophomores.

The Future

I feel like it's about time I should blog about this important part of my life. I don't even know why I've been putting it off, I guess lately I've just been feeling kind of...glum.

ANYWAYS so school is out and I'm officially a senior!! WOOHOOO!!! Right?

Actually, I've been feeling pretty much anything but excited. Any time someone brings up the future, or college, or just senior year, I've immediately changed the subject or just straight out say, "yeah I don't really want to talk about that right now". But the thing is, I HAVE to talk about it. It's coming whether I like it or not, so I might as well start by blogging about it.

So here are just straight facts about why I am scared shitless about the upcoming year.

1. I don't want to leave my friends behind.

These are the people I have known since freshmen year, since middle school, since the freaking FOURTH GRADE. I've grown so close to them and it's not exactly easy for me to make such amazing friends who I can be so happy with. How the heck am I supposed to just leave them all behind? Who else will know what my good days are, will know how I'm feeling just by looking at my face, or know what I like to order at Mooyahs? Who else can I bluntly tell, "hold on, I gotta take a dump"? Who else can I take ugly snapchats for and trust not to screenshot?

That's right: no one.

2. I don't know what I want to do

These are the years I'm supposed to be deciding what I want to embark on for my future career, and the thing is, I always thought I had this planned straight from 8th grade. Any time anyone asked what I wanted to do, I always had a prompt answer: "I want to major in something to do with business or finance and get into Wall Street." Simple enough, right?

But as I've been actually THINKING about it, do I really want to spend the rest of my life sitting in an office cubicle handling other people's money? Do I really think I could have the potential to actually make it on to Wall Street? Do I really think I could handle the stress that comes with being in business/finance? IS THAT WHAT I REALLY WANT TO DO???

I can't even answer that, because I still don't know.

3. Living by myself

I still have to ask my mom if light navy counts as "dark wash" or how many minutes I should heat up the leftovers for. How the hell am I supposed to live on my own? Although, I will say, this is something I'm not TOO worried for; I'm actually looking forward to NOT hearing my mom's constant nagging and arguments.

4. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DECIDE WHERE I WANT TO SPEND THE NEXT 4 YEARS OF MY LIFE

HOW
PLEASE
LET ME KNOW
I can't even get into more detail with this right now because I may just burst into tears.

5. My boyfriend...?

I know, I KNOW. Trust me. When I first went into HS I always told myself that even if I did get a boyfriend, I would never let him factor into my college decisions or my future. Career/school first, boyfriend later.
And then y'know, I actually got a boyfriend.
I've been asking myself so many questions lately. Stuff like, do you really see yourself with him after high school? Is he really what you're looking for? Is he more important than making it on to Wall Street and sipping champagne in a penthouse overlooking Central Park?

And y'know what? I can't give a definite yes, but I can say this: He makes me question why I ever wanted to be alone.

I don't know if I can see us together in 50 years, but I can also say that I don't want to be sipping champagne in a penthouse overlooking Central Park by myself.

I recently saw something on Humans of New York's instagram page that really hit home with me.

"Turning 40 and not having a personal life. Finding out that I’ve gotten where I want to be, but there’s nobody in my life to give a shit about where I am or what I’ve done."

My Sweet 16

AYOOOO ITS MY BIRTHDAY
Just kidding it was 10 days ago.

May 17th, 2014 7:30 PM

Daily Blog Post

Currently listening to: Homesick by Looms

HOLA MIS CHICOS BLOGAGOS


Today I'm going to be lame and blog about my day, because I don't feel like ranting or going off on a tangent about something else. Also, today was fairly interesting.

WELLLLL I woke up this morning, and I took a piss. I really like that phrase, "taking a piss". It makes me feel rugged and manly, even though in reality I demurely perch on the toilet bowl and-

Now listening to: Static Waves by Andrew Belle

Anyways, so I took a piss and then blah blah bah and I went to school. We only had a half day today so I went to Comm App and Physics. In Comm App we took a group exam which we got a 100 on and then in Physics I also *shocker* took an exam. Idk, I don't want to talk about it.

We got let out at 12 noon and Veronica, Sandra, Tyler, Ubin, Erin, and I went to Mooyah's for lunch. I had a burger with lettuce, tomatoes, and sautéed mushrooms with sweet potato fries which were fucking fantastic.

After that we went to Roots, this hipster cafe out in Highland Village. I didn't get anything but Tyler gave me his coffee so I had like 1/3 of it and holy shit it made me feel so weird. I'm probably the only one out there who doesn't drink coffee but it made me feel so slow and...idk.

Now listening to: Don't Move by Phantogram

And theeen at this point I just wanted to go home but Veronica stopped at Sephora so we went in there for a while.

And then we went to Diego's and ding dong ditched him and he joined us in the car to go to Erin's, where we played with her dogs.

and THEN I was dropped off.

I spent the next hour listening to music and lying on the floor of my room.

At precisely 4:45 pm I left my house to go to math tutoring.

Wow this is not as interesting as I thought.

WAIT FOR IT

I came home at around 7.

My parents left because they had some asian gathering dinner party so it was just my brother and I at home.

He said he was going to the gym at 8 so I decided to get off my lazy ass and join him.

So at 8 we worked out. OKAY for like the first 5 minutes I was running at 6.6 and I felt like I was winning a gold medal for my fucking country, Empire State of Mind was jamming on my iPod and I felt fucking amazing.

And then I got tired and then it just went downhill from there.

Now listening to: some shitty commercial on Spotify

I asked my brother if we could go

Now listening to: Flaws by Vancouver Sleep Clinic

ANYWAYS I asked my brother if we could go to Raising Canes so we went.

Sorry I just took like an hour break from writing this cause I was on the phone...

Anyways so I came home and talked on the phone and finished my AOW for English.

ANDDDD now it's 12:35 AM so I'm off to sleep, aka browse twitter until I drop my phone on my face for the tenth time

Buenos Noches

Confused

Okay if this doesn't make any sense, I don't blame you; it doesn't make sense to me either.

Here's why I'm AGAINST dating him.

1. We only have a year left of high school; after this, we'll have to break up and go our separate ways anyways. What's the point?
2. I don't want to lose him as a friend if and when we break up.
3. Distraction from my academics. OH GOD this sounds so dorky but next year's going to be so busy with college admissions and stuff, how am I supposed to find time with friends, never mind boyfriend?
4. Most irrelevant reason ever, but we'd be that stereotypical Asian couple.

Here's why I'm for it.

1. I like him. Obviously, otherwise I wouldn't even be facing this conflict now. He's a really good person and he makes me happy.
2. Experience for college. I can't go into college with zero experience with guys.
3. ...I like him.

WHAT THE FUCK HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS

Pro/Con lists suck. They don't help at all.

Rapid change of topic, I'm going to talk about my day.

SO today I had to wake up at the crack of ass (8:30) ON A SATURDAY MORNING. Let me reiterate that, it was a SATURDAY MORNING and I had to physically GET OUT OF BED WITH A PURPOSE at 8:30.

I had to go to some wedding internship thing. I just helped out. It was an hour 1/2 away and it was in a barn which is very fucking southern I just

Scratch that, it was actually pretty cool. I set up the tables, folded napkins, placed the napkins ON the tables after I put tablecloths on them, set up candles, blah blah blah.

I'm actually supposed to go to Veronica's right now but its raining outside. I just want to stay in my room and listen to music and write.

Fuck, I love listening to rain during the weekends while I'm indoors. I hate rain when I have to goddamn walk to the library after school.

2 months. 2 months AND I'LL BE FREEEEEE


K I have to go to Veronica's now. ADIOS

What I Look For in a Guy

You know what I have a really hard time doing? Figuring out which letters to capitalize in a title. I know for shorter words like "a" you're not supposed to, but then it just looks funny. Should I capitalize "in"? But then "a" will be the only non-capitalized letter in the title...what if it feels left out?
Blogger problems, man.

Anyways, I literally did nothing today, I feel like the most unproductive slob in the world. Also, I got my period so yippie dee doo dah.

Today I'm going to talk about character traits I look for in a guy. I kind of debated against this post for a while because I was afraid it would look like I'm only aiming for a certain stereotype, or if it'd seem as though I was kind of hypocritical because hey, I'll admit, I don't have all of these qualities either. I know there's no such thing as perfect but I mean...I can try. Right?

1. Intellectual
I almost put "smart" but I changed my mind. My definition of Intellectual is someone who can discuss current events. Yeah, they'll have to do good in school, but I don't just want someone who's book smart, I want someone who knows whats going on in the world and is open to discussion on various sides of a certain topic.

2. Holds a Conversation
I can be the most boring person you'll ever meet. At the same time, I can talk forever about different things. I don't give a shit if we're talking about what we like to put on our sandwiches or whether or not prostitution should be legal, just give me something to talk about.

3. Confident
Asdfghjkl; just as long as he knows what he's capable of and doesn't always sympathize with himself and mope around. I can't stand anyone who always puts themselves down and says pathetic things like "Please don't go, you're the only person left for me" (true story, btw). It turns me off like switching off a lightbulb.

4. Hard Working
Sandra asked me a while ago what would be the best compliment someone could ever give me. This was my answer. Hardworking people get my attention, because it shows me that they're willing to put effort into improving whatever they're doing. It also tells me that they actually want to make something of themselves for the future.

5. Kind
This is actually one of the most important ones out of all of these. I hate judging people and I always try to be kind to others, and I would kind of expect the same from a guy I like. Why the fuck should I like someone who's only kind to me but a total asshole to others?

Annnndddd that concludes my list. I'm sure there are other minor ones but they all kind of mesh into these five categories. NOT BAD EH. I didn't put anything on looks because this year has honestly opened my eyes to deeper things despite appearances. I'm not going to lie and say that appearances don't matter at all, but they're just not a high priority for me.

I wouldn't exactly mind if he looked like this though...

Huh

So I like this guy.
.
.
.
.
.
.
UGGGHHHHHHH
It's so goddamn confusing I don't even know how to explain it
I seriously haven't liked a guy like this in god knows how long.
I mean, I've liked other guys, but mostly for their looks (as superficial as that sounds), because I just never got the chance to know them on a more personal level.

But him...
I like the way he talks. I like the way he thinks. I like how he's so happy.
I like him.

Oh god I sound so cheesy. I really don't know. Just...thinking about him makes me happy y'know? The highlight of my day is whenever I get to see him at school, and say hi. The best part of my day is coming home and chatting with him online.

It's like this bubbly feeling inside of me 24/7. It's like I've drank too much apple cider and laughed too long with my friends.

Goddamn I want to say more but I'm scared someone I know is reading this. I know Sandra knows about this blog because she saw it in my sites when she came over, but she said she wouldn't read it. And god knows who else knows.

OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT WHO CARES I LIKE THIS GUY OKAY

And it's so weird because years ago he liked ME and I was the one who didn't reciprocate the same feelings.

What if this time it's the other way around??

AH FUCK what is wrong with me

And also there's this other girl who he's like best friends with.

You know what fuck this I don't want to think about him anymore

BUT I CAN'T

And the thing is, that girl is probably way more suited to him than I am. He's eloquent as fuck and he's intelligent and he can talk about so many things and I don't even understand physics.

Goddamn and that girl is at the same level as him too. She's pretty and SO SMART and she can talk just as well as him. They go on school trips together all the time. They pretty much belong together.

I don't know if I should post this. Should I? What if he finds out??? Then he'll probably never talk to me again other than "Um please get away from me kthxbai"

Okay you know what I change my mind, I don't like him. He's just a good friend who happens to posses like a bunch of qualities that I happen to like.

No big deal.

PS. Please forget everything mentioned above.

Creepers on KIK

Hey guys!
Sorry for the lack of blogging. I've been busy with school...ESPECIALLY PHYSICS. Goddamn physics.
ANYWAYS, this post is not about anything school related.

So recently, (or actually a while ago), my friend Sandra and I decided to start messing around on KIK. If you don't know, KIK is a messenger app you can download for free and chat with random people.

Now obviously, this is going to bring in a lot of dick pics and whatnot. But anyhoo, it was still fun.
I decided to compile my list of best (worst?) conversations I've had with random people. These consist of basically 100% creepers asking for pics, or worse, just sending pics of themselves at spurious moments. I also had a laugh at some usernames so those are included as well.

Anyways, as I said, my friend Sandra and I decided to just one day go on the "Chat Now" option to see what fun we could have.

Seconds later...


This went on for probably 5 pages.

It was actually really funny to see how desperate some of these guys were. It also felt really good because goddamn, I felt so popular LOL.

But first, allow me to introduce to you the wide arrange of options there are on KIK!


Damn girl, you're 16 AND a stoner?? Now, that's an accomplishment right there folks.




I feel like I could talk about many people in this selection. First, there's Hard Cock, who was helpful enough to include a picture in his profile just in case you didn't believe him. There's Love Pussy (I'm a- (Girl)", and there's also FuckkThat Bitch! Who I am very curious about. Which Bitch exactly is she talking about? Herself? Also, thats a beautiful profile picture right there, mmm girl ROCK THAT POSE.



Where You At?!?! No, seriously. WHERE YOU AT?!?!


Horse cock. Huh. I don't believe I've heard that before. Now, are you into Horse cock? Does your cock LOOK like a horse's cock? And if so, how do you know? Have you seen a horse cock before? Please reply promptly.

Something I don't think I'll ever understand is why you would use your actual profile picture and ask for nudes.

Huh, I'm not interested, thanks.

can ever WHAT? No guy can ever WHAT?!?!?!

He needa naughty girl.

Why WOULDN'T you believe him? After all, his username IS love.my.huge.cock.

Damn, now that's an original name if I've ever heard one! You heard him ladies, Strong is his NAME.

Okay, enough of the possibilities. Here are some of the actual conversations I was honored to have.

Huh, I don't know, maybe because I DON'T KNOW YOU?!

No comment.